savagery with which they fought.She moved with me in perfect rhythm.

I was only a breath away from death and yet instead of panic and fear
I was only a breath away from death and yet instead of panic and fear. Brothel.The boy's back was turned.. If you don't. surely the coming battles could test us no more than what we had already faced. These savages had chopped to pieces the last shred of humanity for me in all this hell.Why.Below us. gnashing their teeth as if they wanted to devour the enemy alive. you won't have your treasure for long. Sophie.It was love at first sight for us. The men boasted once again of how many Turks they would slay in the coming fight. But instead of attacking Moslem horsemen streaking out.I went back to the priest. Robert said behind me. I'd been brought up by goliards. Give me your hand..In spite of our being totally outnumbered.Then I'll scare the infidels off with my bright red hair. But it seemed strong.I guess we'll both be men. On the fate of your soul. For a while.I looked into his hooded eyes. Tafur. God had taken me where I belonged.

they urged. We'll throw in two bushels of carrots!I was about to go on-a joke. I winked. we were told.Death after meaningless death.A stirring rose in me. They raised me as one of their own. I will make you a map. I felt connected for the first time in my life.I gave a last wave to Sophie. the impact shaking my entire body.. resolved that any breath might be my last. I knew the stench.She nodded. One by one. then attend harder to your work. Jagged mountains appeared in our path...WE CAME TO A HIGH RIDGE overlooking a vast bone-white plain and there it was.Father Leo spoke up. The detachment at Xerigordon had already been done in-not by siege butthirst. Professor. In front of us. just go through that door. his knights began to fan out through town. And when our troops finally opened the gates in desperation. It carries your food for the next two weeks.

I wanted to lash at the church with my sword. And here they were. It was all that kept him from plunging to his death. even before the sun..See ? One more time. word reached us that the fortress had fallen. I stood paralyzed. Along the way. Here I was. no god either.Then Norcross's face split into an amused smile.I blinked in amazement.He had just uttered these words when another turbaned warrior charged toward him. Or freeing Jerusalem.Dei leveult ! God wills it!My own blood surged.. I said. Nico warned. Our weapons came together in a mighty clang. but there was little to find amusing. but. Hugh. You better tell him.Guillaume's horse waded in. I am sure. On my word. he winked at his men. his military chief.

a bit reluctantly.OUR POWERLESSNESS WAS SO OBVIOUS it was shameful to me. lighting a cloth afire and tossing it to the earth.not for silver and soap. glinting through the haze. Don't look so sad. And so wasour song:A maiden met a wandering man / In the light of the moon's pure cheer. start with this. One of the ram carriers went down. No great loss. heads charred and roasted.Join us.THE WORD SPREAD like fire from battalion to battalion.Norcross strutted around the square. I saw poor Mouse.. Fields that were once milk and honey now lie spattered with the blood of Christian sacrifice.. I had to go back. piercing the Turk with my sword.Now I was free. an officer barked from behind. Hortense. Children playing ball in the square dived out of the way. I was twice the boy's size.That is good.The Bosporus .Send Hortense after them.Then.

but where I'm headed a woman's comb may be looked at strangely. of relics and glory; the innocent of finally proving their worth. Then he sneered. And Jean the smith. Turbaned men rushed into the street and were cut down in bloody messes before they could even raise their swords. toward the mill. Though I had seen many men fall. with some inlaid writing that I could not understand..Georges threw himself at the chatelain's feet. a fiery-eyed Turk. our tunics clean. We were lying as one on the straw mattress in our small quarters behind the inn. and honor in battle. Along the way. but I stayed behind. He hides in his hole like a squirrel. carts overladen with supplies. Who bathed and smelled of perfume.There were some early successes. People were running into the square.The bastards are welcoming us. Though I wanted to weep for my fallen friends. An eternity in Heaven at the feet of our grateful Lord.Sophie sat up.All along we were told that Peter's army was months ahead of us. Raymond and Bohemond.See ? One more time. Hugh? Nicodemus called out as we made our way along a particularly treacherous incline.

Clad in colorful.. I'd have been dead myself. Then. He fell from the horse. thearmy of Crusaders . If it's a fight you want. Robert said as we marched. He exhaled a final breath. Jagged mountains appeared in our path. I saw a cross.What's going on. All around us. Spoils and booty were being divvied up among the men. schooled in the sciences and languages. poured into heaps of dung like spoiled wine.I wanted to lash at the church with my sword. I could mark them only by the sores oozing on my feet. I made one last prayer to Sophie. He must've thought he was about to dispatch a complete idiot to the Almighty. Tonight you'll go to sleep fucking the emir's wife!The camp sprang alive. wildly gasping for air. lashed Alo to the staves of the mill's large wheel. I could see in Sophie's eyes that she felt it too. It seemed impregnable.Only twice before had I heard the bells sounded at midday in the four years since I had come to live in this town. Nicodemus glanced at me. For a few moments. I bolted into Robert.

The child appeared. I was trembling with horror. I laughed above the din. I know the same sobering thought pounded through each of our minds.. They pushed aside women and children. Georges said.I had to get out of here. stepping into the center of the square.Looking up. the feeble and sick.I missed being free. you'll have your pick.The Turk took a measuring look at me. Its feet were unable to hold the trail. slaughtered Christian and infidel alike. I ran him through again as he fell.We soon came to a wide clearing between mountains. Matt. wagons. raiders.Norcross seemed delighted..Each year when we returned.But I know I ran. Now. and outlaws hoisting their sacks and makeshift weapons. From that moment on. humor.

Guillaume's mount seemed to stumble. next right. the Saracen rider had fallen off. They were snooping for signs that Baldwin's own subjects had taken up the Cross. Those are Turk!FOR TWO WEEKS we rested outside the gates of Constantinople. but as we climbed. It was a rough. It was impossible to tell if they were Christian or Turk.She stopped and smiled at my plain flax tunic and calfskin vest. Then-eerie silence. He steps up and rings the bell. keeping up with his shuffling stride. bunching his lips. A slide of rock and gravel hurtled down at us. the mistress of a cleric who could no longer hide my presence. what do you see?What do I see? Either the holiest army I've ever seen or the dumbest.There was a ground-shaking rumble from the west. softly moaning with pleasure and love.In that instant I saw my helplessness. Norcross gathered his knights. we passed through Veille du P?re.Now I was free. They were marked by a cross burned into their necks.let the boy up. from the same building. In the open. keeping up with his shuffling stride.Then.let the boy up.

whatever gibberish might divert him. You could die. I could see that she was scared. Baldwin. All around us. Or another Alo.Up here. he lowered the wheel again. the water was still no higher than the horse's ankles. resembling his mount. I saw that Civetot was smoking like burning cinders. I didn't remember my father. to help if I could. Soldiers fell to their knees and moaned. There was nothing more to say. the captain promised. his blade caught the glint of a torch. Robert took his place. A sea of white tunics and red crosses. a terrible moment that was empty and gnawing. We were hailed as heroes and we had fought almost no one. I said. one of the nobles in charge. plopped atop a simple mule. never once crying out.She nodded.This is your last warning. I lifted the staff that had been in my hands when the Turk spared my life.I know that is a pile of shit.

Then he pressed his heavy boot into my neck. At ten!I had spent my youth traveling with a band of itinerant goliards. Soon they were battering again at the gate. They're coming! They're almost here!From the east. Above me. Sophie. I felt my soul spring alive. charged at me with a scream. She had a song for me. was next to me in line. He must've thought he was about to dispatch a complete idiot to the Almighty.She had nearly drifted off to sleep.I pressed Robert up against the wall. I will be looking especially foryourtax payment. calling his name. Though I wanted to weep for my fallen friends. Carts.Are there any believers here ?He was pale and long nosed.From out of the trees. the soldiers mocked. You are no soldier.I lunged for the harness around its neck. even if you try and deny it. sometimes dragging a companion along with him. had formed behind me. I bent down to pick up the shiny object and could not believe it.At last we stood in the land of the dreaded Turk!The first fortresses we encountered were empty and abandoned. stay by me. And I had protected him.

I knew he would be able to interpret it. Along the way. tearing at their sizzling faces and eyes.. She stood there. jongleurs. Her legs parted and I gently eased myself inside. his small eyes moving from person to person. mad with greed.I'll be back in a year . keeping up with his shuffling stride.. You don't look like much of a Crusader. He fell from the horse. and an abbess answers. I protested. horses.We had to take this place. Tafurs. I wanted not just to fight for my own gain. too exhausted to celebrate. another charge? Weary and frightened soldiers around me moaned in disbelief. Well.THERE WERE FOOLS among us who believed that Antioch would fall in a day. Now that was just a mocking refrain in my dreams. It bounced off with the effect of a pebble tossed against a wall.See ? One more time. Only last week did you not have two sons?My son Matt has gone to Vaucluse.Then I knelt beside Robert.

His Holiness Urban promises unimaginable rewards. I tried to sound cheerful. I traded for a gilded perfume box to take back home for Sophie.Was this possible? Was it possible that in the midst of this carnage I had found a soul kindred to my own? I looked into his eyes: this beast that only a moment before was set to chop me in two. he shouted back.Such a city I had never seen before in all my life.Such a city I had never seen before in all my life. we called him. But the forays were met with such fierce resistance from the walls that they became graveyards for our bravest men. a buttress of gray rock thirty feet tall.Are there any believers here ?He was pale and long nosed. lightweight cottons and silks. I saw the hostility on his face fade. Father Leo. as nearby as Avignon. His mouth curved into a sheepish grin.Suddenly the assault turned into a rout. I laughed above the din. you princesses. We were told to ride east until the smell of shit. The child appeared.Stumbling on a ledge. wandering among burning buildings. I thank God for how lucky I am. good and bad. slaughtering infidels and hoarding all the spoils.She stopped and smiled at my plain flax tunic and calfskin vest. I fell to the ground happy just to be alive. A few straggly horsemen.

.The trail seemed cut out of the mountain's edge. not even for a moment. horsemen appeared.I am called Peter the Hermit. in full armor.For freedom? Suddenly. And the vermin had told me I was free. or that I was thinking of her at the end. curved swords. curved swords.The cries of men dying hit me as I stepped outside. kicking and screaming. Hugh? Nicodemus called out as we made our way along a particularly treacherous incline. most of all. I have something important to talk to you about. Just like when we were children.One by one.. literally roasting in their armor.Peter's army has crushed the infidels. then fight for the glory of your liege when called upon. a solid wooden barrier the height of three men. I had lashed myself to a goat and placed my trust in its measured step to pull me farther on. burst. I peered into the bastard's black eyes. He grinned. I will come!I saw Matt. I could scarcely breathe myself.

I instructed him. Sophie. Guillaume.But just as the man's spear was inches from my throat. not some moth-eaten hermit. They grinned and dragged poor Aim?e.In this he has no choice.We soon came to a wide clearing between mountains.Sir. West. `Go in peace. only to be surrounded and chopped to bits. a diminutive Spaniard with a large hooked nose. turning her eyes from me. I looked down. I defended Robert. If one of our illustrious leaders hears you. will you? In a flash. I was trembling with horror. the Turk lowered his sword. the relics fall out of trees. I reached and wiped a glistening tear from her eye.THE TURK'S SWORD hovered over me. I knelt down and took a handful of earth to mark the day and placed it in my pouch.You probably thought you were ridding the world of a complete madman.I threw my pouch over my shoulder and tried to drink in the last sight of her beautiful.We spotted red crosses painted everywhere. There. barely wide enough for a cart and a horse.

eager not to miss out on the loot. The child appeared. For whatever the reason.Is this real? You're going to let me go? My fingers slowly relaxed from the priest's staff. If one of our illustrious leaders hears you. Our weapons came together in a mighty clang. These men will show you no mercy. but they fell halfway up the walls and in return brought volleys of spears and Greek fire. the miller's older son. Blood spurted from their faces. I thought I saw something there that in that instant mirrored my own thoughts. his goose comically trailing behind. A volley of arrows shot back from the towers in return. his eyes horrifically wide.If it's martyrs you're looking for.What profound images filled my mind as I tensed. with a thatched crown.As he made his way back across the square.Away from the senseless killing. Hugh. start with this. and from within. the soldiers mocked. raising the knight's heavy torso. I accept your offer. His mouth curved into a sheepish grin. cumin and ginger. Frank. What remains of it.

He grinned sheepishly. the small group of men Robert and I had attached ourselves to began to thin.I looked at the fallen Turk and whispered good-bye. Kill the pagans and sit with the Lord in Heaven. eh? I bowed sarcastically with an exaggerated flourish. amused. something told me I could no longer live like this. a mixture of ardor and tears. One year. One by one. pummeling him with kicks. their skin dark with blood and filth. I muttered. she whispered. I could deal with the harshness of laws and taxes and the wrath of our lord.THE WORD SPREAD like fire from battalion to battalion. I was trembling with horror. it caused a terrible reaction.These Tafurs reported to no lord among us. The moreblasphemous the better. Heads severed and gawking.I'm dreaming . an old Greek.But my attacker merely took a giant step. But the forays were met with such fierce resistance from the walls that they became graveyards for our bravest men. yelping mad cries that I recognized asAllahu Akbar.A moment later. but I wasn't going there. Who will come.

Now he was gone and I was here. They were snooping for signs that Baldwin's own subjects had taken up the Cross. endured so much-God's call resounding in their hearts-were cut down like grain in a field. Nicodemus. if my lord wants. Yet as he spoke..Suddenly I heard shouting from up ahead. Robert said behind me. God can keep it. I recognized the knight in charge as Norcross. Then the devils moved on to us.. you princesses. I had simply made him smile.' Now his curiosity is piqued.Slowly. Euclid. he winked at his men. word reached us that the fortress had fallen. I lost my tongue. counting the beats that Alo remained under. Hugh? Her eyes locked on mine.Our catapults flung giant missiles of fiery rock. Men writhed on the ground.THE TURK'S SWORD hovered over me. I noticed her peeking at a rehearsal. the mighty fortress gate opened.The Turk took a measuring look at me.

but the stone gave way. these Tafurs fought like possessed devils. Every house in the village had been burned or sacked. At ten!I had spent my youth traveling with a band of itinerant goliards.You may have started the day still a boy. Professor. That bird had walked across Europe with him! Many felt our luck had run out along with hers. A left at the next ridge and we should seeRome. we'll both fall.Sanctum Christi. spilling over with defenders in white robes and bright blue turbans at every post. They had recently taken Nicaea. Here I was. again. I heard a struggling. I winked.It is their awful singing the Turks will turn and run from. like a jig. Turbaned men rushed into the street and were cut down in bloody messes before they could even raise their swords.Up here. thrusting his knife into the Turk's chest. suddenly. maybe her husband.Somewhere in the heights. By a third more. face first into the river. Or freeing myself. but they fell halfway up the walls and in return brought volleys of spears and Greek fire. suddenly.

resembling his mount. almost dumbfounded. I saw one defender cut in half by a mighty ax blow. cut through the rising peaks. Our spirits were bolstered by the tales of Turks fleeing at full run. his knights began to fan out through town. They raised me as one of their own. I recognized the knight in charge as Norcross. Sophie.Where you're headed. the monk named Peter went on. brave souls? The monk reached out his arms. Everyone was afraid of them. but these savages would surely kill me. On the fate of your soul.And we did hurry. one of the nobles in charge. Norcross pressed on.Then my mind fixed on the danger of the moment. curved swords. He had joined the quest as a translator.THE TURK'S SWORD hovered over me. From my vest pocket I took out a small sunflower.Suddenly.He carried Alo. daylight darkened.Then a torch waved over the north tower.mapmakers. galloped down the line on their crested mounts.

I squawked about like a chicken.. two black-robed Turks hovered over a priest. for a moment out of harm's way. He smiled as if to say. don't you. For whatever the reason. Buildings were torched.Gone. then he nodded. eager not to miss out on the loot.He wants a fight. Norcross smiled. Brothel.A maiden met a wandering man. It will be made easily. People will be eager to feed a Crusader. cumin and ginger.I missed being free. I have something important to talk to you about.. which attested not so much to their religious fervor as to their urge to inflict pain. to ask God for the forgiveness of my sins.Norcross began to turn the wheel.The Tafurs came upon him with their swords and awful clubs.I know that is a pile of shit. were spared just so we could bear the tale. I saw the hostility on his face fade. Thousands of them.

and I leaped upon him. Then. cut through the rising peaks.. Their haughty faces read.. `We'll be in Jerusalem by summer. sometimes dragging a companion along with him. Their temples.We soon came to a wide clearing between mountains. Their clothing was charred and tattered. not once but twice.But just as the man's spear was inches from my throat. carrot-top.We spotted red crosses painted everywhere.It was the image I carried for the next two years.Slowly. and the head of a man next to me shot off like a kicked ball. seemingly built into a solid mound of rock. raped.That is good. ? It could not be! My mind flashed back to the cheerful faces and joyous voices of the hermit's army as it marched through Veille du P?re. but it didn't take a seer to divine that he was lying. his military chief. Who will come. Hugh.' He empties his pockets excitedly.You're leaving.From out of the trees.

I would never see Jerusalem in this lifetime. West. I peered into the bastard's black eyes. and the treasures I might find on the Crusade. Just common men and women. He winked. if I truly believed. grabbing for his arm. Churches have been burned and looted. his reputation as a seer suffered. his blade caught the glint of a torch. trying to catch hold on the trail. simply bowed their heads and wept.Mocking us was more like it.. only to be overcome by the sheer numbers they faced. The conquering throng had gone deeper into Antioch. Others said the bird had more sense than us and got out while she was still alive. and much worse. I winked. He was tugging on his knife.. Blood spurted from their faces. Then I hoisted Robert into the air. I'll be back. Raymond and Bohemond. and who can blame him? We've marched a long way. this old tomb was what we were fighting for. your labor now depleted by a third?Georges's eyes darted about.

a thin band of beech wood painted with flowers. not their swords. I was about to say. missing me by the width of a blade. I tried to joke.See ? One more time. stepping toward him. a memento. The rest of us set out for there.She nodded. Along the way. Guillaume. Yet he'd spared me.I came upon a Christian church. I did not.. suddenly. Then she held her half out and we touched the jagged edges together. in a way I was proud. Men who had traveled so far. Aim?e. The moreblasphemous the better. We're going in.All at once. a sudden rock slide. was swept screaming into vast crevices or dropped in his tracks by Serb or Magyar arrows a thousand miles before the first sign of a Turk. the terrified Alo cried. while the fearful cleric did his best to defend himself with a rough wooden staff. And my legs stung from the spray of molten pitch.

Do they think we can see at night what we cannot even shoot during the day?No. Men lined the shore. Roman ruins and temples. Next to his.My attacker hesitated. the Tafur had said. who had sneaked into our ranks one day as we passed through Apt. then merged with the ranks.now . the slower and more treacherous every step became.That's who we fight for. I'd been brought up by goliards.soldiers.Without my noticing it at first. I love you. said another in a parched. hacking away at limbs and heads. I continued to hack at him. You are no soldier. Idid see. We'd touched souls.After a month. Except me. A sea of body parts. The balance of us stayed behind. Others.Send Hortense after them. it seemed as if our glorious Crusade would end in Antioch.In a flash he was gone.

Georges was my friend. slowly depleting.Steady that animal. We know. I traded for a gilded perfume box to take back home for Sophie.I'll be back in a year . You'd better go. transfixed by the awful corpses of the Turks.. I think the duke's point is adequately driven home. It is blasphemy. House of Prostitution. `Very well. God will reward you. wagons. If this was how it would be.Where are we. He has to accept.Outside Civetot we had our first taste of the enemy. we advanced toward the massive walls.Norcross seemed delighted.I know that is a pile of shit.. and the mood in the ranks brightened with anticipation of what lay ahead. Hundreds of fortified towers guarded each segment of an outer wall that appeared ten feet thick. consumed by heavy blows and disemboweling slashes. She and I had always shared everything.Are there any believers here ?He was pale and long nosed..

It's me. One of the ram carriers went down. I saw that same knight. It had belonged to her mother. Others fell over him.I will come! I will take the Cross. a Moslem warrior would hurl some urn down from the towers and it would shatter on the ground.A cabbage.. the lower our spirits fell. These men will show you no mercy. I said.I didn't pray.Up ahead. seemingly raised as one. We traveled the large cathedral towns. I had traveled in my youth. I pumped out my chest. A calm came over me. This is the shroud of the whore who gave him life. Except me. I was no hero. as was my vow. cleansing the city of anything Moslem.And we did hurry.Everyone be ready. I could deal with the harshness of laws and taxes and the wrath of our lord.At that moment. again.

Robert shouted.I stood.The longer the horrible siege went on.For the first time.I stood. Several other people. The ranks of farmers. catcalls. like a jig. they recounted.You probably thought you were ridding the world of a complete madman. I swear it. we advanced toward the massive walls.. I had to do something-even if it sealed my own fate. You want to take the Cross?Not the Cross: I wouldn't fight for that. I'll be back before you know it.And the people. landing on what would have been his face. their skin blistered from the touch of the metal.Near. marching through Veille du P?re!Butwhat an army! More of a rabble.Then I did a little hop.You may have started the day still a boy. actually. tell me. then head directly for it. I only wanted to go home. His mouth curved into a sheepish grin.

but it remained stuck in the dead Turk's chest.Saint Peter's sandals . `Place a gold coin in the cup. Then I hoisted Robert into the air. and his shoulder fell away from his body as the massive blade lodged deep in his chest. Father? Is this what you expect from the Pope's protection? He lowered the wheel again and the small boy disappeared. I picked up a few Turkish arrow- and spearheads that I knew would be worth much back home.No! I lunged.It's an army. What's left of us.The cries of men dying hit me as I stepped outside. Jesus. Frank.I lunged for the harness around its neck. but now I hacked and slashed at anything that moved as if I had been bred solely for it. And so wasour song:A maiden met a wandering man / In the light of the moon's pure cheer.I was able to grip the strap of the leather satchel slung over his shoulder.Death after meaningless death. Children ran out and danced around the approaching monk..Themetal trade. as if my ferocity could bring back my friend.I gave him a wink. too exhausted to celebrate. like an eighth-moon.Norcross finally began to raise the wheel. were each manned with archers. Turks hacking at them. I fell to the ground happy just to be alive.

.in the light of the moon's pure cheer. It was impossible to tell a red cross from a pool of blood. And deeply in love. Now that was just a mocking refrain in my dreams. no ladders that could even scale their height. I stayed. I was sure. Young and old. All the toasts had been made and farewells said.Below us. given to them at a young age when my mother died. We pounced on him and hacked him bloody. the Holy Land.now . Or. Our entire town gasped in horror. I sang in the quietest voice before I slept each night.I have to go..It was a love that was born for tears.I bring greetings from your lord.Professor .Somehow they knew.you are here for God's work . seeing the old man slipping off the edge. The Turk let out a chilling howl. the Tafurs were distinguished by the ragged sackcloth they wore as uniforms and by the ferocious savagery with which they fought.She moved with me in perfect rhythm.