I thought we would live out our lives together.

you will need it all the more
you will need it all the more.The trail seemed cut out of the mountain's edge. our liege lord's chatelain.The sight sent a chill shooting through my bones. the Pope's protection is worthless. he had the reputation of being a bit of a soothsayer too.hundreds of them . from infidel spies.Heaven's army. Then the devils moved on to us. then head directly for it. said another in a parched. his blade caught the glint of a torch. I saw Sophie there at her father's inn. the Saracen rider had fallen off.In this he has no choice.. I clenched my fist.' she says. my legs seemed ready to comply. roaring with cheers. yet we trudged on; our hearts and wills.Robert! I screamed. a teasing rhyme:A maiden met a wandering manIn the light of the moon's pure cheer. Some puked and turned away. throw up his hands and hug his mother. I grabbed my shield and ran after the boy. turning her eyes from me. you'll have your pick.

He is drowned.I WAS FREE.Sanctum Christi.Attack !Our army charged. grabbing for his arm. and smiled too. logic. An eternity in Heaven at the feet of our grateful Lord. the monk said in a surprisingly strong voice.' everyone cheered. Then turbaned horsemen charged-wave after wave. You have no power. I knew I could no longer fight.Dei leveult ! God wills it!My own blood surged. I did not know where I would go.. our burden had seemed bearable. who instructs him. if there were any fucking trees.Norcross shouted. They were not wearing crosses but filthy robes.Good Lord .I looked at Robert. or close my eyes. God can keep it.The bastards are welcoming us.See.We had to take this place. my love.

It was the image I carried for the next two years.Look. I recognized the knight in charge as Norcross. he hoisted the nine-year-old lad up like a sack of hay. He must've thought he was about to dispatch a complete idiot to the Almighty. They leave for the Holy Land in a few days.In front of us a young woman ran out of a burning house. eager to fight for the glory of God. What remains of it. Sophie. because I have not given you a child. stepping toward him.Up ahead.. He would give up the city. as was my vow. Sophie. I swiped a sunflower and went up to her. You are at risk. just go through that door..' Now his curiosity is piqued. From behind. would she kiss my bright red hair now that it was filled with gore and lice?My queen. Yet as he spoke. Spare him!He managed to kill the first one with a mighty sweep of his sword. Spare him!He managed to kill the first one with a mighty sweep of his sword. holding the sunflower. at his bloody corpse.

I felt connected for the first time in my life. our commander. the trails began to widen.Finally. That bird had walked across Europe with him! Many felt our luck had run out along with hers. Robert squinted into the sun. a full life. Red crosses smeared all over the walls-in blood. We said good-bye to Constantinople. the mistress of a cleric who could no longer hide my presence. bread to eat. Paul's.Sophie sat up.From behind came the clatter of a warhorse galloping toward us.Sophie.. from burying the dead. He's just a boy. leaving eight dead and burning almost every house to the ground.Marie screamed and Georges began to sob. but.Norcross seemed delighted. Men simply dropped as they marched. blood drenching the parched earth. but where I'm headed a woman's comb may be looked at strangely. Once-proud knights trudged humbly. ? It could not be! My mind flashed back to the cheerful faces and joyous voices of the hermit's army as it marched through Veille du P?re.Heaven's army. She stood there.

daylight darkened. running from house to house. Only last week did you not have two sons?My son Matt has gone to Vaucluse.She moved with me in perfect rhythm. He hides in his hole like a squirrel. his knights began to fan out through town. Soldiers fell to their knees and moaned. God is great. was a million miles away. spilling blood.'She leads him through a series of dark. We pulled back two miles. neatly fitting it back into a whole. Or freeing myself. like a jig. And it was vast-thousands of them! Not fitted out with armor or uniforms. I noticed her peeking at a rehearsal. Then. and smiled too. it's not just God who watches over you. he had the reputation of being a bit of a soothsayer too. Jeers.I love you too. He charged at me once more.Knights took off their helmets and surveyed the city in awe. All I could think to utter was. Who bathed and smelled of perfume. I noticed her peeking at a rehearsal.What has happened here? a soldier muttered.

I felt sure I would soon die too. There was nothing more to say. stretching out as far as the eye could see.I was right. Norcross's sword jangled as he made his way to the frightened miller. Or freeing myself. I couldn't wait to show it to Sophie! Back home. But most of all.Suddenly. stepping toward him. It is blasphemy.Tafur. his white hair and beard billowing in the draft. the feeble and sick. yelping and hacking at those who met them. knowing that on the other side lay Antioch. towns scorched and plundered dry. tell me. clattering across the church's floor.I was going to die. Spoils and booty were being divvied up among the men. From above. towns scorched and plundered dry. I had come here to set myself free. Her legs parted and I gently eased myself inside. How could all those faces-all that hope-be gone?Veille du P?re. Ten of Paris could have fit within its walls. yet we trudged on; our hearts and wills..

Who knows what I might find there? There are tales of riches just for the taking.Hold your tears. I dreamed about Sophie every night.He took a look at his assailants. thinking of how I would describe it all to Sophie. stretching out as far as the eye could see. Frank.. I saw one defender cut in half by a mighty ax blow. his sword poised above my head. run dry of provision by the Turks themselves.Then Norcross's face split into an amused smile.As this became clear.. I lunged toward him. !The sword caught Robert just below the throat. with a thatched crown. Everyone was shouting. actually. Carts.I was heading home to Sophie. Sophie.The sun became a raging.Carrot-top here must be keen on the miller. I love you more than anything.. Men screamed and toppled over.Their presence here could only signal harm. I began to make my way slowly toward the square with my heart pounding.

Next to his. my love. Hugh? Robert moaned. I will come!I saw Matt. next right.father. you must kill me in the name of what we donot embrace. surely the coming battles could test us no more than what we had already faced. seemingly raised as one. I love you more than anything. A sliver of orange light was just breaking over the hills to the east. watching me go off. the Turk lowered his sword. the Turk lowered his sword. Everyone pointed at a walled city nestled into the isthmus's edge. side by side.I was right. so help me. Others fell over him. And to God. By a third more. only a fool. hurrying from the well with her bucket. start with this. Eight massive warhorses thundered across the bridge into the center of town. gaining hold. they ripped a bronze bracelet from her wrist and bludgeoned her lifeless. softly moaning with pleasure and love. You have no power.

to Toulouse. It seemed impregnable. Robert turned to me. or even beg for my life.We had marched across Europe and through the Alps. I staggered around. madness boiled out of control. Robert cackled. do not defame those who now fight for God's glory. and there were fruits I had never tasted before: oranges and figs. but we needed water badly. eager not to miss out on the loot.Thanks. Men writhed on the ground.Don't worry. I will make you a map. She was pounced on by two marauding Tafurs who tore the clothes from her body and took turns mounting her in the street. my companion. Ten of Paris could have fit within its walls.You're leaving. European. and much worse.Go where ? There was something in his face. and streets paved with polished stone.. We were at a run. had turned toward me. spoils. given to them at a young age when my mother died.

He had just uttered these words when another turbaned warrior charged toward him. who instructs him. Raymond and Bohemond. No one wanted to delay in our rush to catch up with the army of Peter. `Sisters of St. Back toward the city gate. You see those hills over there? I pointed across the channel. Just common men and women.I was going to die. my son?'`I saw your signs along the road.!Son of Mary. an enclave of stone dwellings on the edge of a dense wood. Every time she moved. I put my hand on Robert's shoulder.. I lost my tongue.Suddenly I heard shouting from up ahead. Robert still at my side. Norcross sighed.The siege took months. I saw men clearly over the edge guzzle their own urine as if it were ale.That is good.Robert !THE ATTACKER HURTLED into Robert and swung his sword with both hands. We were lying as one on the straw mattress in our small quarters behind the inn. God will watch over me.. Then he merely winked at me.I came upon a Christian church. How could all those faces-all that hope-be gone?Veille du P?re.

his small eyes moving from person to person. And there was something that I missed from those days. Every race was represented. I felt my soul spring alive. Or the miller's wife. In a last effort.God wills this? I screamed. The talk. You smell it. her yellow hair pinned up for the workday under a white cap. Norcross smiled.you are here for God's work . their chargers snorting heavily. good and bad.Until we were free. His protection for your families who dutifully remain behind. Then. my lord. Feel free to help yourselves to some of the miller's lovely grain.Would she even know me now.Those we captured were sometimes handed over to a fearsome group of Frank warriors called Tafurs. When he was on the ground. knight. A wave of our own cavalry went out to meet them. his eyes horrifically wide..I never thought I would ever say good-bye to you. If it's a fight you want. which attested not so much to their religious fervor as to their urge to inflict pain.

toward Norcross.Everyone in town stood and stared. Hortense.The Turk took a measuring look at me. We continued to climb. Professor. It seemed to stretch out forever. Battle-thirsty men in tunics with red crosses lopped off heads and held them aloft as if they were treasure. He grinned.. That night. spilling over with defenders in white robes and bright blue turbans at every post.. her shy blue eyes unable to hide from mine. I winked. stepping into the center of the square. I did my best to try to cheer other men up. God will be at your side.. West. at his bloody corpse.Sanctum Christi. She handed half to me. yelping mad cries that I recognized asAllahu Akbar. I whispered. knowing that on the other side lay Antioch. I would return both sweet smellingand free!Then the knights and nobles rallied us. But the forays were met with such fierce resistance from the walls that they became graveyards for our bravest men. the mighty fortress gate opened.

Hugh? he asked with an eager smile. lashed Alo to the staves of the mill's large wheel. And.Go.The siege took months. glistening eyes. It was more like resignation.Many knights sank to their knees in prayer. and smiled too. I wanted freedom for Sophie and the children we would have one day. ready to leave.. I heard Sophie scream. slapping one another on the back.Get out of here.Gone. we were told.. And later. torsos naked and disemboweled. We were told to ride east until the smell of shit. I had sworn in my heart to protect him.I'm strong. Riches and spoils picked up along the way. He leaped from his horse and thrashed around for Guillaume under the surface. Professor.She stopped and smiled at my plain flax tunic and calfskin vest. glistening eyes. we were told.

But most of all. I was prepared to say anything.. but it remained stuck in the dead Turk's chest. dying in front of an altar of Christ. as was my vow.Then Antoine. What was I doing here? What had I become?I went over to the fallen priest.. for a moment out of harm's way. taunting and mocking us. I had lashed myself to a goat and placed my trust in its measured step to pull me farther on. I recognized the knight in charge as Norcross. dozens of turbaned riders flashing long. but there was little to find amusing.Arrows and stones and burning pitch rained down on us from all directions. when word reached us that the King's son had died. It seemed as if our whole army was being slaughtered.Shouts of acclamation rose throughout the square. Water was as scarce as wine. Or another Alo.And with your stronger son gone. It was not me. kicking and screaming. some old knights parading in rusty armor. hacking away at limbs and heads. Ten of Paris could have fit within its walls. at the entrance. Red-crossed soldiers stormed through the streets.

Suddenly I heard a rumble from above. you won't have your treasure for long. only to be surrounded and chopped to bits. No great loss. Every race was represented. Or the miller's wife. barely able to believe my eyes..Loud. you say.Then all at once a chilling roar rose up from behind the city walls. I ran him through again as he fell. pushed east to seize the Turkish fortress at Xerigordon. a vassal of Bohemond.. A sea of white tunics and red crosses. dressed up in ornate robes. That brave smile. looking for something of value.Shouts of acclamation rose throughout the square.. Men writhed on the ground. gaining hold. Norcross jeered. He steps up and rings the bell.Sophie sat up.There's one more thing. The irony was bursting through my sides. No one around can do the tricks I do.

And Jean the smith. The falling rocks must have spooked it. Sophie sniffed. I saw poor Mouse. raped.Robert !THE ATTACKER HURTLED into Robert and swung his sword with both hands. Norcross jeered. They raised me as one of their own. it caused a terrible reaction. to leave her this way. or that I was thinking of her at the end.. A golden cross. horrified. I watched with disgust as these swine would disembowel a Moslem warrior in front of his own eyes. We had marched together for a thousand miles.Too late. I put the priest's staff to the ground and took a step-the other way.. but they fell halfway up the walls and in return brought volleys of spears and Greek fire.As Norcross passed the miller's cowering daughter.The sight sent a chill shooting through my bones.. slapping one another on the back. with red crosses either painted or sewn onto plain tunics. the monk said in a surprisingly strong voice.A trumpet sounded the call to arms. not a noble anywhere. God will watch over me.

A gasp escaped from those on shore. The Turk fell to his knees. something told me I could no longer live like this.Nico was right. What's left of us. I screamed. I shouted. his voice rising in power and conviction. Blood and gore soaked the ground everywhere. who managed to keep up his steady stride despite a satchel heavy with tracts of Aristotle. a hazel twig to clean my teeth. The traveler goes in and is greeted by another comely nun. I was trembling with horror.Outside Civetot we had our first taste of the enemy. They swept toward us like hunters chasing a hare. was of treasure and glory. who had sneaked into our ranks one day as we passed through Apt.. bakers. No one wanted to delay in our rush to catch up with the army of Peter.. A sea of body parts. then slowly raised the wheel. I felt her thin body tremble in my arms. It took my breath away.I ran in the pack. they were not defending themselves. no doubt. But he did not.

The ranks of farmers. hurrying from the well with her bucket. or the lice crawling in my beard. they were not defending themselves. you will need it all the more.Georges threw himself at the chatelain's feet. I held her and stroked her hair..I just laughed.Get out of my way . His mouth curved into a sheepish grin. Anything might happen. he said. as far as the river Orontes.I felt a hole in the pit of my stomach. I defended Robert. In a last effort. And so wasour song:A maiden met a wandering man / In the light of the moon's pure cheer. I was out of tricks. I could see that she was scared. grasping. most of all. we fitted the comb's halves together and made a whole. we were told. I would have to charge. The singing stopped. But instead of attacking Moslem horsemen streaking out. and said. A wave of our own cavalry went out to meet them.

you will think this was Paradise. I'll need it more when I come back. Their clothing was charred and tattered. I couldn't hold it down. taunting and mocking us.And there was Robert with his goose. the slower and more treacherous every step became.Loud.I placed the scabbard in my pouch. I ran. Churches have been burned and looted. you won't have your treasure for long. but we needed water badly. You saw what happened today. where they fell.. I raised myself to my elbows. we'renear .You are right .Infidels unlucky enough not to be killed on the field of battle were handed to them like scraps to a dog. this one bare chested and monstrous. From my vest pocket I took out a small sunflower. Robert took his place. start with this. Norcross sighed. He lunged. And Jean the smith. ? I repeated.Professor .

The rage that burned in my heart from the day's horror was killing me.Our bodies cried. It seemed to stretch out forever. it's not just God who watches over you. The rest of us set out for there. And holy relics worth more than a thousand inns like ours. N?mes. A mere stumble. raising the knight's heavy torso.The massive Turk. Turk warriors made forays outside the city walls. I could scarcely breathe myself. dark beard. I had gone into the hills to pick it early that morning. I muttered. We continued to climb. The rest of us surged ahead. Raymond..I WAS FREE. Hugh. again. I said.you are here for God's work . Just like when we were children. I was only a breath away from death and yet instead of panic and fear.TWO DAYS LATER.But the old Greek was too slow and laden with gear to get out of the way.hundreds of them .

never once crying out. It may be cold. the traveler hurries through the door. I ran him through again as he fell. lofting some harmless arrows at us. It made us realize even more that they would not easily give in. A traveler is walking down a quiet road when he notices a sign scratched onto a tree: `Sisters of St.. or where. a soldier hushed him.. his sword poised above my head. barely wide enough for a cart and a horse. I noticed her peeking at a rehearsal. Full battle gear. of such chilling proportion that we thought we had entered a valley of demons. hooded eyes that flashed only a sliver of light. A child could have seen it. in full armor. Do we finally get to pay them back?Sharpen that knife. Guillaume turned around and waved. What remains of it.. spilling over with defenders in white robes and bright blue turbans at every post. Carnage and screams were everywhere. His protection for your families who dutifully remain behind. I swiped a sunflower and went up to her. I'll be back before you know it. The rows of red crosses sent a shiver right through me.

it seemed. God. horrified. Rumor had it some holy relics were held ransom there... like one of those multitudes prophesied in Isaiah or John.All of them.. I couldn't hold back the truth from her. as another interminable valley loomed before our eyes. spilling blood. Norcross jeered. I said to him. Hortense disappeared. To study the metal trade. I could be cut down as soon as I stepped out on the street. I stepped forward.Themetal trade.THE WORD SPREAD like fire from battalion to battalion. I recognized the knight in charge as Norcross. The ranks of farmers. In her clutched fist. who had sneaked into our ranks one day as we passed through Apt. until his powerful body resembled some hideous slab of meat and not the noble soul he was. This happened. Red crosses smeared all over the walls-in blood. the boy stopped in his tracks.As far as the eye could see.

the trails began to widen. Who bathed and smelled of perfume. which Nicodemus had taught me.I dragged him from the wall and we ran with all our might. Robert said as we marched. And my regiment. I had earned this much.. Jerusalem!TELL US A STORY. Antioch would fall. Her bright blue eyes were moist with tears.I searched my mind for something to say in his tongue.Right in front of our eyes. while the fearful cleric did his best to defend himself with a rough wooden staff. I heard a struggling. I screamed. I love you. Different from a moment ago. Robert among them. not Jerusalem.There were some early successes. `Very well. Others fell over him.. When Alo broke the surface. the farther away I felt from anything I knew.She had nearly drifted off to sleep. and gruesome gasps escaped from their wretched mouths. winding passages where he sees many beautiful young nuns who smile at him.

. it seemed as if our glorious Crusade would end in Antioch.Constantinople. I was sure.I placed the scabbard in my pouch. we'renear . praised for valor in battle.Are there any believers here ?He was pale and long nosed. too exhausted to celebrate. raiders.Like us. Consider your tax raised. I did not care about Antioch. Anything at all.Thirty yards out.Never mind. mad with thirst. Today. but the mule bucked again and stumbled. Men who had traveled so far. and honor in battle.Why. the impact shaking my entire body. he seemed to grow. no longer hatred or even amusement.It was all lies..Press on. passing from horror to horror.

Go where ? There was something in his face. I heard a struggling. All the cattle and oxen had been butchered; even the dogs had been eaten. He lunged.But not a man among us cheered.I don't see any Christians chained to the walls. Georges said. I knelt down and took a handful of earth to mark the day and placed it in my pouch. We're going in. and though I knew it was probably my last breath.Up here. It could be anybody. kicking and screaming. We were heading down. many thousand strong.. My heart went out to him.The cries of men dying hit me as I stepped outside. I heard the loudest chorus of voices. with some inlaid writing that I could not understand. sticking their heads into houses as if they owned them. I knew I could no longer fight. I will be looking especially foryourtax payment. past the fires to the edge of the camp. a new hell awaited.That's who we fight for. then head directly for it. The monk Peter mounted his donkey.Robert ran ahead to hurl one of the rocks toward the walls.

My regiment went on. The smallest hope flashed through me: maybe I could whack it across his ankles. in formation. All I saw was the glimmer of his studded glove as the hilt of a sword crashed across my skull. It was all that kept him from plunging to his death. I heard thewhoosh from a wave of arrows shooting across the sky. A sea of body parts.My throat went dry.I guess we'll both be men. an officer barked from behind. Norcross's sword jangled as he made his way to the frightened miller. What else could matter? I was a fool to have left her. Let me get your skin..All but one. It was now eighteen months I'd been gone. stuffing anything of value into their filthy robes. shit. lighting a cloth afire and tossing it to the earth. This attacker was a bear of a man with massive arms nearly twice the size of mine. she whispered. his rush was intercepted by Robert.. kneel and take the Cross. masons. God will be at your side.What's going on? Who needs help ? they shouted. Some puked and turned away. How could anyone but a devil have such bright red hair? she said.

Clad in colorful. It seemed as if our whole army was being slaughtered. I said. Battering rams were tossed aside and abandoned. I have something important to talk to you about. and turns down the road until he arrives at an old stone church marked St. When Alo broke the surface. I will be looking especially foryourtax payment. A bearded knight helped him slide off.The Turk took a measuring look at me. His face was still lit with that innocent grin.Is it true? Robert asked. toward the mill. The child appeared. their towns now under Christian flags. The other infidel turned.. from burying the dead.OUR POWERLESSNESS WAS SO OBVIOUS it was shameful to me. wasn't it? Or. Sophie. `Go in peace. To study the metal trade. carts overladen with supplies. His protection for your families who dutifully remain behind. if only I could hold her one more time. searching for archers or pitch. Men were still moaning and dying on the field. I stripped it from my chest.

you won't be missing this one too much.See ? One more time. was next to me in line. My blood was surging.I was right. I always did. Just common men and women. jongleurs. Behind me. I told him. we quietly crept back within sight of the city walls.On the outskirts... she whispered. I can't wait for my next sunflower.My wife of three years hurried to the window. priest? He chuckled.Guillaume's horse waded in. From my vest pocket I took out a small sunflower. a solid wooden barrier the height of three men.. You're not going to believe this. Then turbaned horsemen charged-wave after wave. Panic clutched at my heart. priest? He chuckled. The talk. the towers. The man staggered.

Constantinople.Finally.. still eyes. at his bloody corpse.Suddenly I heard a rumble from above. You want to take the Cross?Not the Cross: I wouldn't fight for that. and Boethius. In all this madness I had found a moment of clarity and truth with this Turk. looting. I had gone into the hills to pick it early that morning. I was no hero.Why don't we see what his protection is truly worth. I finally prayed.From out of the trees.No one wants to hear your silly jokes.The traveler assumes it is a joke. it's not just God who watches over you. alwaysnear. I squawked about like a chicken.Are there any believers here ?He was pale and long nosed. Nerves?The boy shook his head. had formed behind me. women. so help me.And though they fell in love at that first sight.. ? I could walk out of this church. I thought we would live out our lives together.